Taboo Topics … Week Nine March 27, 2009

This is the last week and we have saved the most taboo topic for the end! Why not go out with a bang?  As mentioned in last week’s post … we will be discussing RELIGION!  No matter what “everyone” says …. please discuss religion. Even if this topic is hard for you to bring up, this is a subject that plays an important role to some and a not-so-important to others – either way, your future spouse should know where you stand on this topic. 

Without further ado…..

RELIGION

1. Do you believe in God?  Heaven and hell?

2. How large of a role does religion play in your life?  Do you attend religious ceremonies regularly?   

3. Does your partner understand your beliefs?

4. Do you respect each others beliefs?

5. Do you expect your fiance’ to convert to your religion?

6. Will you be disappointing anyone if you change your religious practices?

7. Do you think religion should be practiced as a family or as an individual?

8. If you have children, will you raise them religiously? In which faith?

9. Are your families going to respect your religious decisions?

10. How do you feel about circumcision?

YOU HAVE MADE IT!  The taboo topics are over! No matter how hard these last nine weeks have been…we hope you feel that you know your fiance’ better than ever. These are very difficult questions that we have asked you to bring up but we feel that these questions over the past nine weeks will bring you closer as a couple. These are topics that are not easily brought up and we commend you for doing this. We wish you and your fiance’ nothing but the best and hope the Taboo Topics were helpful (and not to “taboo”)!

And remember, to read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth – at Barnes & Nobles – at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

Celebrate your love (and the fact that you know your fiance’ better than you did 9 weeks ago!) ….

Taboo Topics … Week Eight March 20, 2009

So, how did you do with the topic of children (and step children?)….. hopefully all went well and now you have a better understanding of how your marriage will work once children become a part of your life (or if you choose not to have children).

As you know, these are TABOO TOPICS and what are the three subjects that cause fights and most people avoid until they absolutely have to talk about them…. money; religion and her (the ex)!  Well, lucky for you, we will NEVER have you discuss an EX with your fiance – they are EX’s for a reason – right?

BUT, we will ask you to discuss money and religion…. in fact, we’ve kept the best for last!  This week, we will discuss money and next week (our final week) will be discussing the oh so touchy subject of religions.  So, sit down, grab of glass of your favorite drink and let’s get started.

MONEY! With the way our economy is…it needs to be discussed! No question about that! This could be a tough week to get through with these questions because money is on everyone’s mind right now. Either if you need it, don’t know what to do with it, save it, spend it or hate the topic…it’s money and it’s a part of daily life! These are some questions that may take a while to get through so save time for this taboo topic…

SHOW ME THE MONEY

1. What’s your philosophy about money?
2. Who will decide where it is spent?
3. Who will pay the bills?
4. Will each of you have discretionary cash?
5. How much of your income will you save?
6. Where will you invest your money?
7. Do either of you have outstanding debt?
8. How do you feel about credit cards?
9. Do you view money as ‘yours and mine’ or ‘ours’?
10. Do you feel your value in the relationship is tied to how much money you earn?
11. If one of you doesn’t have an income, do they still have a day in financial decisions?
12. Will household responsibilites be balanced despite how much money each of you earns?
13. If one of you takes time off work, is the other comfortable being the sole financial provider for the family?
14. Are you comfortable in a relationship where the woman earns more money than the man?
15. Do you consider yourself a saver or a spender?
16. Will there be a prenuptial agreement?
17. Will you discuss major purchases with each other before making them?
18. Will you reserve part of your income for charitable contributions?
19. Would you be willing to accept help from your parents if you were in financial trouble?
20. If your parents or other family members wer having finacnial difficulty, would you help them financially?

Whew! That will bring a lot of disscussion! Once more, it is important to discuss money because its hard for two people to have the same feelings about each purchase that is made…talking to your fiance’ now about the subject will be more benefical then waiting!! (and you can get it over with!)
To read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth – at Barnes & Nobles – at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

please leave your comments or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topic…Week Seven March 13, 2009

With only two more weeks (after today) of taboo topics left, it seems that things are getting “deeper” but if you want a fabulous marriage….you need to know these things, right?

Last week, we discussed children (unborn, between you and your new hubby) BUT what if one of you already has a child from another marriage? This is a “taboo topic” that needs to be discussed…and here are the questions that need to be asked…

CHILDREN FROM ANOTHER MARRIAGE

1. Will you include the children in your wedding ceremony?

2. Where will the children live?  How much time will you spend with them?

3. Who will establish the rules for the stepchildren?   Who will discipline them?

4. How will you financially support the stepchildren?

5. Do you expect the stepchildren to call you mom or dad?  How do you want them to address you?  How will you address them to other friends and family in your life?

6. Will the stepchildren change your feelings about having children of your own?

7. To what extent should the stepchildren be included in your family?   Will they go on holidays with you? Church? Vacation?

8. What concerns do you have about stepchildren?

9. Will you make decisions concerning the stepchildren jointly or will the decisions be made by their blood relative?

We hope these questions will help start this VERY important conversation…. I know it will be tough, but it will be so worth it in the end. 

To read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth – at Barnes & Nobles – at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

please leave your comments or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topics…Week Six March 6, 2009

How are you hanging in there so far?  Remember – these topics and questions are to benefit you as a couple.  The more we are open and honest before the big day, the happier the marriage will be as the “complicated” situations arise.

Well, this week is no different….. while some of you picture your wedding and family starting right away, others haven’t even thought about kids (for themselves) and don’t plan on having them for years to come….. but they will come for most of you and so this TABOO TOPIC must be discussed…… (stay tuned if you will becoming a step-parent, as that will be our topic next week!)

Baby Talk

1. Do you want children? If so, how many kids do each of you want?

2. How far along into your marriage do you want to have kids?

3. Do you have certain financial or career goals you want to achieve before starting a family?

4. What is your philosophy on raising children?

5. How will you discipline your children? Which of you is more likely to be the disciplinarian? Are you comfortable with that role?

6. Who will be responsible for changing diapers?

7. Who will be responsible for getting up in the middle of the night?

8. What if your child has special needs?

9. Do you want to educated your children in public or private schools?

10. Do you like the way you were raised? What would you do differently?

11. What is your belief on childcare? How will you finance it?

12. Describe what you hope your parenting style will be in one word.

13. Do you believe one parent should stay at home after you have children? Which parent would it be?

14. Will you support each other’s decisions in front of the children, even if you disagree?

15. How will having children change the amount of time you spend with your friends?

16. How will you pay for major expenses such as education or cars for your children? Or will you expect the children to help or pay for those completely?

A baby or babies will change your relationship and marriage….. they are a BIG responsibility and need both parents to thrive, so hopefully these questions will give you and your fiance’ some clarity.

As always, if you want to read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth - at Barnes & Noble - at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

please leave your comments or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topics … Week Five February 27, 2009

We are moving right along with the Taboo Topics … this week is He Says/She Says Communication! Just because the topic is “he says/she says” – that doesn’t mean you get to answer or “assume” how your fiance’ would answer the following questions…. you need to talk to your fiance’ and try to understand the way he/she communicates…this could be interesting!

He Says/She Says Communication

1. When your partner is unhappy, how do they show or tell you?

2. How will you resolve a disagreement?

3. What is your fiance’s style of communicating?

4. How do each of you handle your anger?

5. If you get really bogged down, who do you go to for help?

6. Do you communicate everyday, even when you have a disagreement?

7. Do you feel emotionally connected and committed to your partner?

8. Do you and your partner handle stress the same way?

9. How will you show your support to each other in difficult times?

Communication (open and honestly, of course) is a very important part of marriage…talk to your fiance’ and learn more about them.

To read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth - at Barnes & Noble - at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

please leave your comments as we’d love to hear what “he or she said” or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topics … week four February 20, 2009

Okay ladies (and gents)…. last week was all about the FAMILY…..

this week, it’s all about …. dare I say it …. SEX! (gasp!)

Now, while of some of you might be having your cheeks turn red and others can’t wait to read this section…. let me put in a small disclaimer: “We have only put a few questions down, as this is an intimate and personal discussion between you and your fiance’…. we are just giving a starting point.  AND – we are not saying that you are currently being intimate, but you will be intimate in marriage.”

Now that that’s out of the way…. let’s get to it!!!!!

SEX ED

1. Who would your fiance’ say is more romantic between the two of you?

2. If there comes a day when there isn’t enough of it (we know, it probably won’t happen to you, but just in case), how will you deal with it?

3. What if sex becomes boring? How will you talk about it? What can you do to keep your sex life spicy?

4. How do each of you feel about birth control?

5. How do you classify cheating?

6. What is one of your fantasies?

Again, this is just a starting point…..  to read the full article please visit…. jacki allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online  OR you can purchase your copy from Joseph-Beth, Barnes & Noles, Bluegrass Bride, Wedding Wonderland, and many more….

please leave your comments or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topics…. week three February 13, 2009

This week – the questions get more interesting…. (not juicier – that’s next week when we discuss “Sex Ed”)… but this week, we will be asking questions about our IN-LAWS, FAMILY and FRIENDS!  Can you handle it?  We’ll find out….

IN-LAWS, FAMILY and FRIENDS

1. Where do they fit in the scheme of your marriage?

2. How much time will you spend with your friends?

3. What will you do about friends that your fiance’ dislikes?

4. How improtant is it to you to have boys’ nights and girls’ nights?

5. Are there boundaries on how much you want your fiance’ confiding in their friends? Are any topics OFF limits?

6. What is the role of your family in your relationship?

7. What is the role of your family in the upbringing of your children?

8. Where will you spend holidays and with which family?

9. Will you have alone time?

10. How do you want to spend time together?

Only TEN questions – not too bad…. but this talk could turn bad quickly…. so I want to give some “jaimeson” tips (a little different from “jacki” tips).

Jaimeson Tips:

* DO NOT discuss this topic this weekend – it is Valentine’s Day, and no need to spoil it.

* Don’t say, “Honey, tonight let’s talk about our families…” these words could make him/her think that you are going to talk about their family (not both families) and not talk in a good way!  Suggestion: Just bring up a question here and there – test the waters so to speak….

* BUT – these questions all need to be talked about and discussed.  If you notice hesitation now, imagine how it’s going to be when you have different thoughts on where to spend the holiday OR when you have kids and he/she still wants to go out EVERY weekend…. etc. etc. etc.

* Definately talk about what is OFF limits… you may not want to run to your parents every time that the two of you get into an argument because you may get over the dispute alot quicker than your Mom…. and then it would start to get ackward – OR no need to discuss your “private” nights with friends…

Good luck with this topic…. when you get finished discussing these questions openly and honestly, you will be that much happier in your relationship and know boundaries for your family and in-laws.

To read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth – at Barnes & Nobles – at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

please leave your comments or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topics…. week two February 6, 2009

Ladies – I hope you were able to get through the first week of TABOO TOPICS with no trouble… as these were “starter” questions.

This week – we will discuss GOALS….. we all have them, need them and want to achieve them…. but what if our goals are different than our partners? is there room for compromise? how do you combine goals?  can you both achieve your personal goals while still mainting your marriage goals?  below are some questions that will get you started…

GOALS

1. What goals do you have for your marriage?

2. What life goals do each of you have?

3. What are your career goals?

4. What happens if one of you gets a job offer 600 miles away?

5. What values are central to each of your lives?

6. What are you hoping this marriage will bring?

7. How will you divide the time between family and career?

8. Do you want to have a family?

9. Choose one word to describe your current lifestyle.

10. Choose one word to describe what you want your married lifestyle to be.

Taboo Topic Tip:  Always – Always be honest with yourself and your partner…. for example – don’t say to your partner “I’ll follow you anywhere, even the job that moves across the country” – if you won’t really go! It’s easy to say you’ll follow your spouse if you don’t ever think that option will come up…. BUT… what if it does?  Can you really move away from your family and friends to start all over? what if it’s 10 years down the road and you now have children in school – will you still follow?  Just remember to be Honest!

To read the full article, please pick up your copy of Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine online – at Joseph-Beth – at Barnes & Nobles – at Wedding Wonderland - at Bluegrass Bride and many other fabulous wedding professionals throughout central Kentucky.

please leave your comments or feel free to email us anytime to jaime@jackiallen.com with Taboo Topics as the subject

celebrate your love…..

Taboo Topics…. week one January 31, 2009

In the Spring 09 Jacki Allen’s Kentucky Bride Magazine, we wrote a “risque” article about Taboo Topics (pages 46-49).  Ever wanted to ask that “uncomfortable” question about money – religion – sex…. Well, Jacki has written an article that has questions, ideas and ways to bring up the “talk”…..

We will be “spotlighting” one taboo topic a week (every friday) for nine weeks!  So here goes….

To begin…. here is a fabulous tip from Jacki: “Schedule a date with your fiance’ for just the two of you in a romantic, casual setting with candles, soft music and bite size food to feed each other and discuss the following questions while you’re both relaxed.”

TABOO TOPIC ONE…. General Questions.

1. What is your fiance”s favorite non-alcoholic drink?

2. What is your fiance”s favorite TV show? Least favorite?

3. What concert would your fiance’ pay any amount of money to go see?

4. If your fiance’ were able to change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

5. How does your fiance’ like to celebrate special occasions?

6. Toilet seat up or down? (and how do you feel about that?)

7. Aisle or window seat?

8. Does your fiance’ prefer to drive or ride?

9. Dog or cat?

10. Half full or Half empty?

11. Name a reality TV show that best describes your relationship.

Now, you may think this first topic is not very Taboo…. BUT let’s be honest… how many of us have actually asked these questions to get the answers or just “assume” the answers because you know your fiance’ so well.

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers…. just your answers…. the goal of the questions is to get to know your fiance’.

We’d love to hear your comments on this article.  Share with us how you approached the topics and any suggestions you might have for other brides.  Post your comments here or send to jacki@jackiallen.com and put “Taboo Topics” in the subject line.

celebrate your love….